I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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