Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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