he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
