Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
