I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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