i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
