Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
