did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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