I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
