he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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