we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
