I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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