NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
