My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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