I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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