just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
