I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
