What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
