# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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