I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dicks are not precious.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
