if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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