Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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