dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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