sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
