Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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