i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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