A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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