You made me cry and you don't even care
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
