Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
