In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
