I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
