They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
