I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
