i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
