I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
