remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
