So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
