He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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