Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
