I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
