I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
