We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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