Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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