I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
