planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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