i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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