We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I have demons in me.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
