We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
