She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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