It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
True strength comes from lack of pants
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
