Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
